July 2014 to July 2015

The fact that I'm home with a new heart and feeling pretty great makes it easy to say that this is the best birthday I've ever had. It also makes me think about why I'm here and how grateful I am.

July 1st was shared with two other important dates. One is Harry's birthday. The other is the anniversary of Matante's passing. Matante (meaning my aunt in French) was my mother's godmother and was like a grandmother to me. She was a major part of my childhood. After she died in 2013 I would sometimes catch her scent - whether it be her "fancy" Christmas perfume, daily Avon powder or the smell of her purse; a mix of faux leather, change and mints. More often than not this would happen during times when I was in the hospital. It is a little strange that only I seemed to pick up on this, and of all dates my heart came on July 1st. I'll never know if the deceased can really look over the living but I can't help but wonder if it is true.

Whether I should be giving "Tante" a shout out up there or not, I do know that I have a lot of other people to thank for being here as well. Obviously, I have my donor and donor family to be grateful for. I plan on reaching out to the donor family in roughly 6 months to give them time to grieve and hope that they respond back. I also have my amazing family who have been so strong and supportive. Then there are my friends, co-workers, friends of friends, Christian's co-workers, extended family and total strangers who have been so generous and thoughtful throughout the entire year.

And then there is Christian.

I told Christian about my condition on our second date. I typically don't talk about my health with new relationships - dates, friends, coworkers, etc. but I just sorta knew he might be the one. I was relatively healthy throughout our relationship just up until last July when I got very sick and was so weak I could hardly stand. It was really the first time he had seen me sick and hospitalized.

After that episode it was advised that we cancel our planned (belated) honeymoon to South Africa. Then we decided it was best to move after being in our New Hampshire home for just a year to be closer to family in Massachusetts. Then, after months of investing our time, money and emotions into adopting a baby it was determined that my declining health would make us less desirable and we would have difficulty getting placed. Although we lost a considerable amount of money and our hearts were broken we decided not to move forward.

The following months were pretty turbulent and emotionally draining. There was a trip to the ER in November that resulted in me getting transferred to Boston at 1am. When they finally admitted me to the ICU Christian drove home at 3am. There were many sleepless nights when I was sick and we didn't know what to do. There were many vacations that we attempted to take where I ended up in bed most of the time.  There were many weddings we RSVP'd as attending and then had to decline. Then in March there was Denver.

We planned a trip to Colorado for Christian's friends wedding that was to begin in Denver and end in Dunton Hot Springs, roughly a 7 hour drive.  We weren't even there 24 hours and I ended up vomiting in a restaurant, barely able to walk because I was so weak and nauseous. We took an Uber cab one block to the hotel. I ended up at UC Denver Hospital for about a week and Christian spent his birthday sitting next to me watching March Madness in the hospital. He then drove 7 hours to the wedding and then drove back so we could fly out of Denver when I was released. A day later I was admitted to Tufts for another week in Boston.

The two months I was a live in patient Christian would visit every week and weekend to see me. He would bring me new clothes, wash my dirty clothes, deal with insurance, maintain the house, took care of the dog and was working full time. He did all of this without a single complaint or sign of anger towards me or the situation. He has never once made me feel guilty or to blame for such a difficult year. For moving, for the canceled honeymoon, the adoption, vacations gone wrong and many many sleepless nights.

Everyone keeps saying how courageous I've been throughout this whole process...but it is really Christian who is the Superman. He has been remarkably strong and supportive and there is no way I would have been able to get through this past year without him. It's crazy hard times like this that can really test a marriage and I'm eternally grateful to have him as my husband.