Barefoot smackdown

Back in the day I would do all of the cooking while Christian did more cleaning and it felt like a good balance. One of my biggest struggles emotionally was when I was too sick to cook. I would come home from work and crash on the couch for the rest of the night while Christian would cook, clean and take care of Ritz. I felt awful.

Now that I have my new heart it is time to reclaim the kitchen, and more importantly feel like I can contribute again.

I've started my cookbook challenge and decided to take on Make It Ahead: A Barefoot Contessa Cookbook. Why? Because the recipes are fairly simple and the whole book is based on preparing a recipe ahead of time. So for most recipes this means there is first the prep and later you cook/finish the dish. This is especially nice because I can take a break and don't have to do the whole thing at once.

I'll link the recipes but if I can't find them online I'll spell them out. Again, all are from Make It Ahead: A Barefoot Contessa Cookbook and some recipes are slightly adapted.

I'm listing these in order of success. Here goes!

Zucchini Basil Soup (5 stars)

1/2 cup olive oil
1 1/2 cup chopped yellow onion
2 tablespoons minced garlic (6 cloves)
3 pounds zucchini diced (I measured 2 1/2 cups diced = 1 pound)
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup dry white wine
4 cups chicken stock
1 cup chopped fresh basil
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/2 cup greek yogurt, plus more for serving

I'm summarizing her instructions...
Heat olive oil in large pot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and cook for 8-10 minutes until translucent. Add zucchini, nutmeg, red pepper flakes, salt and pepper and saute for 5-10 minutes until zucchini is tender.

Add wine, chicken stock, and basil and bring to a boil. Then lower heat and let simmer for 30 minutes. Pass soup through food mill fitted with coarsest blade. Return to pot and bring to simmer. Off heat and whisk in grated parmesan and yogurt.

Recipe Review: Despite the unappetizing appearance this was really good! I didn't think a zucchini soup was going to have much flavor but the basil, parm and yogurt does something magical.

Comments: Seriously, Ina, who owns a food mill? I used my blender and tried to keep some texture. I also messed up (it's a long story) and didn't add the basil until after I blended the soup, so I pureed that separately and that is why my soup is so green.

Suggestions/Tips: I thought it had a little too much salt. The dollop of yogurt and parmesan on top when serving is critical.

Blueberry Bran Muffins (4.5 stars)

Recipe Review: Can you really get that jazzed about a bran muffin? I didn't think so but these were pretty tasty! If you like sweet muffins they may not be your bag but the honey and blueberry balance out the bran so they don't taste like cardboard.

Comments: I didn't have baking soda so I tripled the amount of baking powder as a substitute. It seemed to work fine.

Suggestions/Tips: Make sure you have baking powder before you start the recipe : )

Herb Roasted Fish (4 stars but could be 4.5…)

Recipe Review: This was so quick and easy to put together and really flavorful. It was light and made you feel good about eating healthy too. Plus, who doesn't love opening up a little gift on their plate?

Comments:  I used cod.

Suggestions/Tips: Watch the time. The fish was a little thin and it slightly overcooked. Depending on how thick your fish is you may want to pull it a little under 15 minutes. The good news is that it is basically sitting in a juice pack so it can't get too dry.

Parmesan Chive Smashed Potatoes (3.5 stars)

1 pound small Yukon Gold and/or red potatoes
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 cup grated parmesan
2 tablespoons minced fresh chives
Sea salt

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Boil the potatoes until tender. Drain and place on a sheet pan. With a potato masher (I used a meat pounder) press each potato until about 1/2 inch thick. Toss potatoes with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 25-30 minutes and turn once until skins are brown. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese and roast for another 2-3 minutes. Sprinkle potatoes with chives and sea salt. Serve hot.

Recipe Review: I had really high expectations for this one. It was good but didn't blow me away.

Comments: I need to give this another chance because I didn't buy small potatoes and had to cut my biggies in thirds. I think the skin on the small potatoes make a difference and I needed to add more salt.

Suggestions/Tips: Read directions more carefully and buy baby potatoes!

Roasted Baby Bok Choy (3-4 stars) 

12 baby bok choy cut in half
Olive oil
Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Drizzle bok choy with olive oil and then sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 20 minutes until core is tender.

Recipe Review: Pretty classic recipe but the bok choy is a nice change up.

Comments: Let the leaves get crispy. The texture is similar to kale chips. Yum!

Suggestions/Tips: I might add red pepper flakes or lemon next time.

Decadent (Gluten Free!) Chocolate Cake (0 stars)

Recipe Review: I'm not a baker. This was a complete disaster and I dumped the entire thing. My dad thought it was a brownie. Once he tried it he wondered if it was residue from us cleaning an appliance or something! I'm not kidding.

Comments: So the big issue here was that my grocery boy bought unsweetened chocolate when the recipe calls for bittersweet. Since I'm not a baker I thought (after some Googling) that I could add sugar when I melted the chocolate and it would be sweet enough. Wrong.

Then I realized I needed to beat egg whites with my mixer. Well, the mixer weighs a ton and I'm not suppose to lift things, so I grab an extension cord and beat the eggs straight from the pull out drawer. In my mode of panic trying to "fold" the egg whites into my gritty, bland chocolate I look down and see that at least Ritz is enjoyed this.

Suggestions/Tips: Buy the correct chocolate. Although foodschmooze.org featured this recipes and it only got 2 1/2 stars...

   

July 2014 to July 2015

The fact that I'm home with a new heart and feeling pretty great makes it easy to say that this is the best birthday I've ever had. It also makes me think about why I'm here and how grateful I am.

July 1st was shared with two other important dates. One is Harry's birthday. The other is the anniversary of Matante's passing. Matante (meaning my aunt in French) was my mother's godmother and was like a grandmother to me. She was a major part of my childhood. After she died in 2013 I would sometimes catch her scent - whether it be her "fancy" Christmas perfume, daily Avon powder or the smell of her purse; a mix of faux leather, change and mints. More often than not this would happen during times when I was in the hospital. It is a little strange that only I seemed to pick up on this, and of all dates my heart came on July 1st. I'll never know if the deceased can really look over the living but I can't help but wonder if it is true.

Whether I should be giving "Tante" a shout out up there or not, I do know that I have a lot of other people to thank for being here as well. Obviously, I have my donor and donor family to be grateful for. I plan on reaching out to the donor family in roughly 6 months to give them time to grieve and hope that they respond back. I also have my amazing family who have been so strong and supportive. Then there are my friends, co-workers, friends of friends, Christian's co-workers, extended family and total strangers who have been so generous and thoughtful throughout the entire year.

And then there is Christian.

I told Christian about my condition on our second date. I typically don't talk about my health with new relationships - dates, friends, coworkers, etc. but I just sorta knew he might be the one. I was relatively healthy throughout our relationship just up until last July when I got very sick and was so weak I could hardly stand. It was really the first time he had seen me sick and hospitalized.

After that episode it was advised that we cancel our planned (belated) honeymoon to South Africa. Then we decided it was best to move after being in our New Hampshire home for just a year to be closer to family in Massachusetts. Then, after months of investing our time, money and emotions into adopting a baby it was determined that my declining health would make us less desirable and we would have difficulty getting placed. Although we lost a considerable amount of money and our hearts were broken we decided not to move forward.

The following months were pretty turbulent and emotionally draining. There was a trip to the ER in November that resulted in me getting transferred to Boston at 1am. When they finally admitted me to the ICU Christian drove home at 3am. There were many sleepless nights when I was sick and we didn't know what to do. There were many vacations that we attempted to take where I ended up in bed most of the time.  There were many weddings we RSVP'd as attending and then had to decline. Then in March there was Denver.

We planned a trip to Colorado for Christian's friends wedding that was to begin in Denver and end in Dunton Hot Springs, roughly a 7 hour drive.  We weren't even there 24 hours and I ended up vomiting in a restaurant, barely able to walk because I was so weak and nauseous. We took an Uber cab one block to the hotel. I ended up at UC Denver Hospital for about a week and Christian spent his birthday sitting next to me watching March Madness in the hospital. He then drove 7 hours to the wedding and then drove back so we could fly out of Denver when I was released. A day later I was admitted to Tufts for another week in Boston.

The two months I was a live in patient Christian would visit every week and weekend to see me. He would bring me new clothes, wash my dirty clothes, deal with insurance, maintain the house, took care of the dog and was working full time. He did all of this without a single complaint or sign of anger towards me or the situation. He has never once made me feel guilty or to blame for such a difficult year. For moving, for the canceled honeymoon, the adoption, vacations gone wrong and many many sleepless nights.

Everyone keeps saying how courageous I've been throughout this whole process...but it is really Christian who is the Superman. He has been remarkably strong and supportive and there is no way I would have been able to get through this past year without him. It's crazy hard times like this that can really test a marriage and I'm eternally grateful to have him as my husband.

Home sweet home

I'm the happiest lady in the world. Being home is sooo relaxing and I feel like a child that gets excited over the simplest things. Lighting a candle, peeing in a real toilet, new bedsheets, heating up my food until it burns me, using real silverware and not plastic utensils, seeing my new dining table that was delivered in May, sitting on the porch and breathing fresh air. I could go on...

Okay, now on to the dirty details of recovery.

Side Effects:

I'm feeling better every day but I still have moments when I feel like I got ran over by a truck and probably will feel that way for a few months. I'm weak, my body aches, chest cracks, bruises, etc.

So far I'm adapting to my meds fairly well. There are many side effects and I'm feeling some of them. As mentioned before, I've had moments when I cry randomly or get really irritable but I have noticed being out of the hospital has helped calm me down. God bless Christian over the next few months!

I have tremors. It happens every day. I can still manage to function/hold on to things but this could get better or worse over time. Once my meds taper a bit it should go away...but time will tell.

Sleeping is better but I have accepted what it is. It takes hours to actually fall asleep and I wake up a lot. The pain at night is subsiding which is great but the prednisone will likely support a wacky sleep schedule. I did my vitals at 5am this morning and started my day with a sleepy puppy (pic below).

Feed Me:

After transplant I've somehow lost weight - a whopping 97 pounds. They were a little concerned and pushed calorie shakes and protein, protein, protein in the hospital but with my snobby eating habits I couldn't bring myself to order hospital meat. 

Once the prednisone sets in I'm inevitably going to gain the weight back and they keep warning me about getting the famous steroid moon face. Despite my body size I've already noticed my cheeks are a little more plump! This should get interesting.

My personal at home chef has been making me steak tips, salmon, quiche and I haven't been skipping dessert. Thanks to the steroids my sweet tooth friends (Meg, Camille, Steph, Rachel) will be happy to know that I might be joining your team! I need to watch my blood sugar levels so I'm not going hog wild but I wake up wanting chocolate chip pancakes EVERY morning...and then end up eating yogurt and nuts. 

In order to avoid infection I can't eat out for 6 months. Basically, all my food needs to be purchased at a grocery store and prepared at home. I can't eat at a restaurant, grab a coffee, ice cream cone, etc. I can't eat anything raw or unpasteurized - ever. No more sushi, oysters, runny yoke eggs, blue cheese, medium rare burgers or deli meat.

Fortunately, I love to cook and once I'm feeling better I plan on making the best out of my 6 month take-out/dine-in hiatus. I might even select a cookbook and make an attempt to actually cook each recipe. I'm also scoping out picnic locations where we can take our dinner "out" just for a change of scenery. Could be fun!

Other random stuff: 

I'll have a weekly biopsy for about a month, then bi-weekly, monthly, etc. The first year is intense and I'll need to track everything and be in close contact with the transplant team to monitor rejection, meds, side effects, etc.

I need to wear a mask when in public...for I think 6 months.

I can't drive for a few months (they will let me know when I can) and for now I have to sit in the back seat to avoid front seat air bags from blowing into my chest while my sternum heals.

TL: I went to HomeGoods! I wore a mask. I haven't showered in over two weeks so mind the hair!
TR: This is what a $700 prescription co-pay looks like.
BL: My early morning
BR: Me and the bodyguard

Post transplant and some wonderful news

ICU Recovery:
I woke up in the ICU with my wrists tied to the bed, intubated, oxygen masked and nearly every part of my body had something going into it or draining out. At that point I felt no pain. I remember seeing my parents and Christian but couldn't speak to them.

I know that it is typical for people to act out of character when heavily sedated and many years ago when I was hospitalized I apparently tried to fight the nurses and said some pretty inappropriate stuff. I didn't do that this time. At some point (despite being tied?) I do remember thrashing and attempting to pull out my trach. I was also told by one of the NP's who stopped in to see me that I was wide awake fully intubated and did NOT look happy. Since I couldn't speak I grabbed her phone from her hands, started typing and handed it back. My message to her read: Get this fucking tube out of my throat. I typically don't throw f-bombs around so this message was a little unexpected coming from me! They did pull my trach tube soon after : )

Pratt 8 Recovery:
The ICU wasn't terrible but I did have plenty of crazy awful painful moments and a few minor bumps along the way which I won't get into. Overall I did very well and was back up on Pratt 8 within a few days. It was so nice to see my regular nurses and be in a more comfortable setting. I did, however, get some unfortunate news. The few days I was off the floor I had the nurses watch over Ted. I'm not sure if he just couldn't handle the stress or more likely that they over indulged him with beta pellets...but Ted didn't make it.

I grieved briefly and had to move on to make sure I made it! The nurses may not be the best pet sitters but I know they take excellent care of me. To sum up the past few days the main focus/activities were:

- Pulling my oxygen so I was fully breathing through my nose and mouth on my own.
- Pulling my catheter/swan line.
- Pulling chest tubes. If it isn't enough to have your sternum cracked, new heart and a foot long incision down your chest they also jam three tubes into your chest that drain externally. These tubes aren't small and I had little room for them. As a result they inhibit your breathing, push up against your ribs and cause tons of pain. It took well over a week but they finally drained and were pulled.
- Apparently it is common for the right side of the implanted heart to struggle due to it being on ice so I was temporarily on IV heart meds to aid the right side.
- My first new heart echo proved that my right side had fully recovered and they stopped the IV heart meds. The echo also measured my new ejection fraction which measures the amount of blood volume that your heart is pumping out. My new heart measured at 60% (55-70% is considered normal and under 40% is considered heart failure). My ejection fraction prior to transplant was 5%. It was pretty incredible to watch the echo show a functioning, beating heart inside of me that once sat inside of another body.
- My first biopsy of the heart to see how well it functioned and the rejection rate came back at a 1A. The scale goes from zero to 1A, 1B, etc. so all is good.

I was discharged from the hospital on Monday and it was a very emotional day. The side effects of the heavy doses of prednisone are coming through (which I'll get into on a later post) so my emotions and mood have been a little erratic.

The last of my hospital belongings sat with me outside of Tufts as I waited for Christian to swing around with the car. One of the CCT's (who kindly taught me even more knitting tips) was with me and just as Christian pulled up she turns and says "Harry got a heart today. He went down to the OR at 5am this morning."

I bawled the whole ride home.

Transplant Day

My new heart went in around 10:30 on the night of July 1st and with a little over a weeks time I'm feeling pretty great! I'm going to recount all of the crazy/happy/amazing events as best as I can starting that morning. Be warned, heavy drugs were involved (actually, I'm still on them) so this is how I remember things along with some additional details I was told from various people. This may take a few posts to get through but if you have questions put them in the comments section and I'll respond next post.

How was I told? 

Based on stories I've heard from previous transplant patients I totally expected to be woken up in the middle of the night with the news of a heart. It is never what you expect. I really enjoy my sleep and after early AM labs, vitals, etc. I typically snooze until 9am. It was roughly 8:30am when I hear Linda, one of the NP's call my name and I open my eyes to a mix of NP's and nurses standing over me. 

Linda: Do you know why we are all here?

Me: I think so.

Linda: Why?

Me: Because you have good news? I was scared to actually say it.

Linda: Yes. We have a heart for you! And it's a perfect heart. They try to get perfect or close to perfect hearts. Sometimes they have small imperfections but are still okay to transplant. She said I should contact my family and have them come in ASAP but it is typically a hurry up and wait situation. I probably wouldn't go into surgery until late afternoon. Then she asks ...so what do I think?

Me: I'm excited. And I have horrible morning breath. Everyone laughed and I was sort of embarrassed at my response. I was in shock!

A minor MAJOR detail:

I was on short term disability for 90 days and had transitioned to an approved long term disability status a few weeks ago. Once on LTD you lose all of your benefits and have the option of going on COBRA or another health insurance plan. Christian and I knew this and had already done what we could to queue up the paperwork for me to go on his plan. However, Christian's plan can't look up/approve/deny my medical requests or procedures until I'm officially enrolled. What is the effective date I'm officially enrolled? JULY 1ST. Technically the transplant wasn't approved. Thankfully between the Tufts Financial Services and UHC (who had approved it under my insurance plan) it got squared away before scrub in time.  

The wait:

My parents arrived in record time and both looked completely expressionless. I'm not sure that they even looked at me when they walked in! Christian was right behind and Kristie arrived soon after. Bill and Christine joined a few hours later and we basically just hung out in my room waiting for a status on when I'd go down. 

I wasn't given any anxiety meds or anything to calm my nerves prior to surgery. It didn't even occur to me. With family around I was fairly distracted by the enormity of the situation until I was called downstairs for chest x-rays and was being pushed down the hall. I passed Harry's room and had a rush of emotion. Shit. I've been here since May and he has been here since roughly December. How is this fair? I know, I get how the system works but it just sucks. I manage to keep myself composed until I'm in the middle of my x-ray and then realize...I have a heart because someone died a few hours ago. I don't have any details but know it was a young person. Ugh. This is awful. I fought back tears and headed back up to my room.  

As time passed I got tired and not being able to eat or drink anything didn't help much. Whether I wanted to admit it or not it became evident over the past few weeks that I was getting worse. That day was no exception and I think that is what kept me fairly calm. I wasn't scared. I knew that this was my path and so relieved that the time had come.

Go time:

They called me down around 6pm. Hugging family and watching their nervous faces was by far the hardest part. They walked alongside my stretcher while I headed to the OR and that is when I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. Inwardly. I still wasn't scared or nervous I just felt like I was going to burst. 

Christian was allowed to enter the OR prep area and I started meeting some of the surgical team. It was evident who was in charge. This tiny female Indian doctor was shouting out orders while rapidly shooting needles into my wrists and would yell "mosquito bite!" each time. My skin would bubble. I'm guessing here, but I think the "bites" were expanding my veins so they could stuff big catheters into them. The doctor looks up at me and says "Say goodbye to him" and waves her hand dismissively over at Christian. I think some patients would be offended or scared of her no nonsense attitude but she was really just doing her job. I was totally fascinated. 

Once Christian left if was suddenly a race and they started pushing me running me down the hall to the OR. As my stretcher bumped around they laughed and admitted that they are better surgeons than drivers. This was oddly fun and all the sporadic and unpredictable motion and shouting made me wonder if I was actually in a Quentin Tarantino movie. No, there wasn't exactly blood, guts and god knows what else flying through the air (at least not while I was conscious) but the speed and sounds whirling around felt theatrical to me.

We get into the OR and I'm disappointed. Isn't this the kahuna of all surgery? No? I thought I'd be in a massive room with a big observation deck but this seemed pretty typical of what I've experienced in the past. I moved on and started to scan the room wondering if the heart was in there somewhere. I easily became distracted watching everyone move quickly, focusing on their own job and responding to any barking orders from the crazy MD. The head surgeon was also there ready to rock. I met him before and he reminded me of Clint Eastwood. His picture doesn't really do him justice but he is an older handsome man with a super calm demeanor. I totally trusted him. 

They start to give me anesthesia and she tells me I'm going to take a nap. Then she puts an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, leans in about an inch away from my face and screams "We are going to take good care of you! We are going to take good care of you!" And that was my last memory from the operating table. 

See? I'm fine. Just a few battle scars.

It is Raining on July 1st!

Greg and Emily are the winners!! I got word this morning - I got a heart! *I'm not exactly clear headed at the moment and checked the list quickly so I could be totally wrong...

I'm really excited and don't feel nervous. Family is here and I'll probably head in this afternoon. Hooray!